I Know…. That I Love California

i had never been to California before. it was always a faraway dream. something that i didn’t think would happen for quite some time. fortunately, i have been able to complete this dream twice in one month. this specific trip i went with my darling mother to San Diego, and was also there for a business trip. it was 5 days, short and sweet, but the gold coast did not let me down.

my mom and i rented a car and drove about 3 hours up the coast, stopping at all the beaches, la jolla, carmel by the sea, coranado, point loma, mission beach, pacific beach, torrey pines, del mar, solana beach, and my favorite, encinitas… you name it, we saw it. each was beautiful and unique in their own way, and vastly different from one another. in just 30 minutes it went from pot smoking hippies to high end movie star status. it was everything i dreamed it to be.Image

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I ask…What defines a bad day?

For the most part,  my days go exceptionally well. I rarely have complaints, and I am generally always happy. I would even add that when I do have a bad day, I still am happy. I will get frustrated, but I am always aware of the light at the end of the tunnel… I know not to let myself get down about it. Waking up yesterday, I should of seen the signs of light that it was going to be a really bad day. I should of changed my perspective before it even started.

Consider the thought of what defines a bad day….. What defines a good day? Obviously these definitions are very different for each individual. For a homeless person, a good day may be eating and showering, while for me, it means being around the ones  I love, which if I don’t want to be, then being around no one.  Obviously one good day may be better than other good days, but they are still marked with the thumbs up. For me, a bad day is typically defined when things don’t go as planned. When something unexpected happens and it has a negative consequence on my life, especially ones that are out of my control. Ie., yesterday,  when I set my alarm for 30 minutes early but couldn’t remember why, when I wore my uggs out of the house and forgot my flats at home, when I packed a lunch and left it at home, consequently spending $15 on a bad lunch, when my boss asked for a project before my other teammembers could review it, when the ETS charged me an extra $400 and I argued on the phone crying for an hour, when my patient died, oh, and when I had to go to three gas stations on the way home to fill up with gas before the storm. Now that, is a bad day. This all couldn’t happen spread out in a week, but no, it all had to happen on this random Tuesday. Looking for an explanation, I turned to my horoscope. My horoscope seems to always justify my thoughts, behaviors, and actions, as sometimes I can’t handle taking that much responsibility for my own life.

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MY “HORRIBLE-SCOPE”

Right? I mean… it hit the head on the nail. Thank you Gemini, Thank you for explaining why today went the way it did. For no one will ever truly know.

You need to look the bad day, or the bad event, or the unforgiving circumstance in that moment, and be able to get over it. Be able to pick yourself up and move on to the next moment, because I promise you it will be better. You will have this bad day, or a bad week, or a bad month… but what about all the good ones you had before it? What about all the awesome things that led you to where you are now? Defining something as good, bad, or easy or hard, or black and white… its all about perspective. It is all about attitude. You can only let the bad day ruin your next one by thinking so. You can control your thoughts, which can control how you see your life. Yes, you need to feel upset, frustrated and annoyed in that bad moment, on that bad day. But why let it ruin the rest of your day? Why let it ruin those around you? Have that bad moment, savor that bad moment… but then move on. Be ready for the next with an accepting mind.

Waking up today, I was nervous. I had a dream that Taylor Swift and I were best friends (which tends to happen a lot), and I woke up not being friends with her. I will tell you, that is a bad dream. But I did not let it indicate my day. I did not let the Storm Boreas effect my commute or my day. Allow your mind to be open and free, never persisting the negative energy from the past to the present. Refresh and restart. Just as today is a new day, right now is a new moment. Don’t let it be wasted on negative energy.

I Know…. That I love Wine Tastings!

This gallery contains 23 photos.

Greg and I were lazily hanging around Newport one fall day.. and decided to check out Carolyn’s Sakonnet Vineyards  in Little Compton, RI. Wine, Fall Day, Boyfriend… what more can I ask for?  We went for their Holiday Party, which … Continue reading

I know… the only things to matter is the moment

Any moment that I have panic, anxiety, or worry, I have to sit back and breathe. Then the world unfolds, it makes more sense, and it is simplified. Nothing is worth the stirring of negative energy within your spirit. You can’t let anything take over you like that. Nothing is worth it. This is your life, you direct it. You direct what you feel and what emotions and thoguhts you let take you over.

There are many songs that come on on Pandora, that make me breathe. Stop and Breathe.. this song by Patrick O’Hearn is the most recent one. It makes me stop what I am doing, and not think.

In addition, you can’t see the beauty of the earth and have any negative thoughts. Viewing this video will assuage any persitant bugs in your mind, quiet any negative thoughts or worries. We live in a beautiful world.

I know.. This was an Idyllic Weekend in Burlington VT

I know.. This was an Idyllic Weekend in Burlington VT

On the First weekend in August, the Meehan family and myself journeyed up to Burlington, VT for a wedding of their family friend Nick. I had been to Burlington once before, when I toured UVM with my dad. He purposely … Continue reading

I know… Newport Cooks: The most important ingredient in the kitchen is laughter

I know… Newport Cooks: The most important ingredient in the kitchen is laughter

Cooking is something that I never thought I would enjoy. I never really liked real food… I liked junk food. However, once I started to eat real food (read about it in food for thought), I appreciated the art of … Continue reading

I ask… what is this pit in your stomach?

It’s weird  waking up every morning with a pit in your stomach. It’s weird not being able to diagnose that pit. When your stomach hurts, you know its from all the food last night. When your head hurts, you know its from watching too much TV, or from all the alcohol that you drank. But when you have that pit, that ache in your stomach and throat (other’s call it anxiety), I call it the pit… it’s the worst feeling, because you can’t label it. You can’t reason with why it’s there, or find a way to get rid of it. You can’t tame it.

Lately, every morning I have been waking up with this pit. It used to happen in college, with exams etc… the fact that it is happening in real life now is that more scary. W hat do I have to worry about now.. not having enough time to cook a dinner? to work out? to see my friends? The worries shift to something so so different with each phase of my life. Each phase, introduces new worries, that in the past may have seem insignificant or minuscule; but right now is your life. Even putting a name on something, won’t make that pit go away. Eventually, you get to consumed in your life, in whatever you are doing, that you forget about the pit and that you move on with your day. But unless you tackle it head on, to diagnose it, you will never fully get rid of that pit. It will keep coming back, every morning, every other morning.

This point in my life is so confusing. I wish I could go back and tell all those college kids to have a path figured out. To not even go to college til you know what you want to do. That’s a lie, truely, because I am not who I would be, I do not have the same interests had I not gone to college, in order to figure it all out. But part of life is finding your path and I just need to keep reminding myself that.  It is OKAY to not have a path. It is better to not…. for when you do have a path straightened out- it will never work out that way. You will just end up being dissapointed. So in the big picture, I suppose it’s better off that I didn’t have some big plan to go to med school, or grad school- and then be dissapointed…. I just feel stuck.

I’m at an age where I’m used to being coddled and I’m used to being partly my parents, and partly myself, partly my friends, and partly an the “older” version of myself. However, many of my friends are all living on their own and are completely themselves, and I just want to get to that point. And right now, there’s no reason for me not to be at that point, but I am stuck. I feel like this happens often in life. You have a job that is really good, and you can’t necessarily leave it. I want to leave this job on good terms, but I also want to start my own life. Which one is worth more? Which one will have a bigger impact on my life? Which one is more important?

I don’t know the answer. I do know I am young, and I often compare myself to those much older. I have my entire life to be on my own, so its okay to live at home right now, not live my full life. I have my “weekend” life.  I just know that I need to get there soon, and I need to do it in a way that makes me fully comfortable with myself before I get there. Whether that means waiting 3 or 4 years before going back to school, or whatever it is, I need to treat myself first, for once in my life. I need to not think about the ultimate goal, and just appreciate the now .Focus on the now. Focus on this chapter on my life and close it at the appropriate time.

I know that I will do great things in life. I know that I will succeed. I know that I will achieve everything I want. It’s just a matter of:
1. patience. Learning to appreciate my experiences now and have patience in getting to that point
2. figuring out where that is. If i rush into it, it will just make that pit feel even bigger.

I know that I want to be successful, innovative, and challenging. I know I want to bring about changes to my own life, and to be able to do multiple things, many things. I think I just want to be about 10 years older than I am, and I cannot. I need to take a breath, and be patient.

No wonder I wake up with a pit in my stomach. Trying to do all these things at once, having so many conflicting thoughts is not going to make me feel good. I know for now, that my path is wind-y (not windy). That there are many wrong turns and right turns to take. But I won’t know what those are until I get there. I won’t know which one is right or wrong until I’ve had the correct experiences first.

My solution for now? Is to breathe. Go to yoga, see my friends. Breathe. For breath can take you to where your mind and body cannot. It will allow you to see ideas, concepts, passions that you couldn’t before. And slowly, not immediately. Slowly, the pit will fade. I’m sure at somepoint it will turn into another, ugly, terrorizing pit. Equally as bad as the one before. But each one makes the next a little easier. To look at it face on, look at your life. See what it is in your life that is making you not be able to breathe right. And to let it go.

I ask.. what does it mean when the world opens up?

It’s always those unexpected days that really make you feel powerful, motivated, innovative. There’s always someone to teach you lessons, to open up a new door to your life.

In my line of work, I meet many people daily, and everybody has something that they think is extremely important, some lesson to pass on.  A lot of these i store in my head, sometimes i implement them, and rarely, but it does happen that they are life changing.  Today was one of those life changing ones that capitulated my spontaneous energy, resurrected my creative mindset and took my life to a whole new level.

It inspired me, it liberated me. it progressed me to look more into my passions.

The feeling of energy that you have when this happens, I wish I could capture it in a ball.  The curiousity. The excitement. The whirl of emotions. what happened today brought that to me and encouraged me to broaden my horizons. This is a life changing day.  Does it matter what it was? Does it matter that one day it could be as simple as someone buying a coffee for you, or the next day you land your dream job? Because I’m sure tomorrow I’m gonna go back to the same old and to the same routine and forget about this feeling….but that is why I am writing it. I don’t know when this will happen next, and I want to capture this feeling. I want to bring it all together and I want to make sense of it.

The question is how can i find this energy in something  that my “career” is in? How can I make it my future? how can I make it me?

i think partially today was because something happened that was a dream come true, its something I’ve always envisioned and this “dream” was exactly as I’ve imagined it… the excitement, the creativeness….. i need to take this and carry it on with me.. never forget about this and never do anything that DOESN’T make me feel like this, at least for too long.

It all goes back to my life philosphy. Stop yourself, and ask. “Does this decision make me happier in life?” If not…. Don’t do it!