I ask…What is it Worth?

So this summer I am volunteering in the ER of a local hospital. It is super exciting at times and really shows what the hospital is, you know, the reality side of Grey’s Anatomy. Although there are romances, jokes, and excellent relationships within the walls of a hospital, so much more goes in to each and every action. More recently than ever, I have been questioning what I want to do in life, and specifically, If i want to attend med school. Everyone always says “welcome to not having a life!” or “get ready for the lifestyle!”. There have maybe been one or two people along the way that have been semi encouraging. Why is it that the most valued profession in our society has to have the worst lifestyle? Why is it that absolutely NO words of encouragement ever come out of anyones mouth when you mention you are pre-med?
I honestly do not know, and unfortunately have recently been discouraged by this lacklaster response.

Last night there was a really big party at which 40-50 of my friends from college all attended. I hesitated going, however, when I saw there was an ER shift available for Sat night, I jumped on the bandwagon to experience that. That honestly was probably the best decision I have made in a very long time. Not only do I not wake up hungover and completely disoriented, but this morning, I woke up feeling rejuvenated, and 100% more encouraged to follow my hearts desire, and not what my mind has been discouraging me from doing.

At the hospital last night, everything just fit, everything just worked. Even in times of rush and worry, I was honestly just floating from room to room, almost at cloud nine. The sealer of the night was when A kind Dr.  asked if I wanted to watch/assist a surgery. WHAT!? so cool! hell yes!!!

Honestly, just watching the Dr. at work really inspired me to push myself to the next level. Yes, my summer is HORRIBLE, in class 9-5, and yes, my school year is going to be HORRIBLE, and yes I know that med school, you don’t have a LIFE. But… so what? what if I like it? what if I am inspired to WANT TO SAVE LIVES. Why should I be degraded for that?

Everyone’s comments have really made a toll on my decision, and has truly caused my mind to explode in turmoil everytime I begin to think about my future. I start to think… is it really worth it?? It is really worth ultimately jeopardizing many of my relationships, my career, my unforeseen marriage and unforeseen future children? When you look at all of the things that a decision like med school affects.. it is really scary and endless. Is it worth it to sacrifice that much of your life, just to get the degree?

Unlike many of my other friends, I do not FEAR the future, I am not worried that I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I’m not worried that I really have no direction right now. Right now is the time in our life where we CAN have uncertainty, and it really doesn’t matter.

I am fortunate enough to have this mindset in college, so that I do not stress about the little stuff, and in my spare time, I am able to relax without constantly saying AGHH WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET INTO MED SCHOOL. I think the uncertainty is kind of more of an encouraging force for me than anything else. It makes me want to explore, see what else will intrigue my mind.

Uncertainty is OK. it opens up other doors, that you would NEVER see if you had a distinct line of plans. Do NOT think about what it is worth in the long run. Do not list out the unforeseen children and boyfriends and husbands. Focus in the now, on what you want for yourself now, and where you want to go.


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